Youth Sports and Three Things
In our family, it’s safe to say that life often revolves around sports. On most days, you can find us either at practice or a game, watching our favorite teams, or talking about a great player or game. From their earliest days, both of our kids have been involved in some kind of sport. My wife and I both played and coached at the high school level, and we still have teams we root for with deep passion. We’re just a sports family.
And honestly, I believe in sports. I believe in the discipline they can teach, the camaraderie they build, and the confidence they help shape in kids. Through sports, our children learn how to work hard, how to be part of a team, and how to give their best effort, win or lose. They get to be physically active, experience growth through challenge, and find out what it means to be part of something bigger than themselves. I really do love it.
But I also know the darker side of youth sports.
Over the years, I’ve seen the joy drained right out of the game. I’ve seen kids pushed beyond what’s healthy mentally, emotionally, and physically. All of this can happen in the name of "potential" or "a future scholarship." I’ve heard dads berating their sons from the bleachers and moms openly criticizing coaches in front of anyone who will listen. I’ve watched parents treat officials like enemies instead of people. And just recently, I heard about a middle school girl who doesn’t want to play a particular sport in high school, but her parents are insisting she do it anyway, like it’s a non-negotiable obligation. That probably won’t end well.
The truth is this: we adults have a bad habit of turning something that was meant to be fun into something that feels more like a job. We forget that kids don’t just play sports to build résumés. They play because they love the game. Or at least they used to.
A few years ago, I realized I wanted to take a different approach as a parent. I didn’t want to be another voice in my kids’ ears telling them how to perform better, play harder, or make fewer mistakes. They already have coaches for that. So I made a decision. When it comes to sports, my role is to encourage my kids, not just in their skills, but in their character as they play the game.
That’s why I started saying the same three things to them before they get out of the car for a practice or a game. Just three things:
Work hard. Lead well. And have fun.
That’s it. Nothing more.
I don’t tell them to keep their eye on the ball or follow through on their swing. I don’t give them last-minute tips or corrections. I don’t act as an assistant coach. I just want to be Dad. I want to play the role of their biggest encourager. If they work hard, good things will come. If they lead well, they’ll impact those around them. And if they have fun, they’ll want to keep showing up. That’s the goal.
And here’s why it matters so much to me: I want to have a solid, healthy relationship with my kids. I don’t want them to associate the sound of my voice with pressure, performance, or disappointment. I want them to know that I’m in their corner, win or lose, if they play or sit the bench.
Because at the end of the day, this is supposed to be a game. A joy. A passion. Not a task. Not a requirement. Not a career at age 11.
I want them to enjoy it while it lasts. And I want to be the kind of parent who helps make that possible.